The date on the calendar says that it's time to get back into the dating world. For those of you with a steady partner, go out and have a great time. I'll write an article for you soon, perhaps for New Year's Eve or Valentine's Day. This article, however, is for those of us that need help getting back into the dating scene.
The following information was mostly taken from an old article I read on the perfect match (dot) com site. The article's entitled, "Dating Advice for Singles over 50" (or in our case 40). It identifies online dating but can be used in any dating situation.
According to the article, at our ages, we bring alot to the dating table namely wisdom, experience, and street smarts. We can easily identify what we want in a relationship and what we don't. With this said, this website has good advice to help us find dates for the holidays and all year round, but I don't agree with everything it says. Let's follow along as we review the article together, shall we? Midway through we'll stop for one of our vintage commercial breaks.
ONLINE DATING
First we'll take a look at online dating. This luxury, our parents didn't have. For better or for worse, we're stuck with it and it can be a blessing or a curse. The good part is that we have a large quantity of daters to choose from and lots of venues to pick. Because we have so much, we tend to have dating ADHD. One way to beat this, perfect match (dot) com says, is to make a list.
1. Write down what kind of person you're looking for, your expectations (companionship, marriage, networking, etc.), your values and special interests.
2. Next make an online profile that honestly describes you. When you do this, remember this profile is about attracting quality, not quantity.
* I'd like to share with you an experience I had when I joined a site last year. I got alot of responses but they were not the type of men I wanted to date (I wasn't much into dating Mr. "2big4u"). I really wanted to meet a man I could travel with and someone who shared my interests but my profile mentioned "widow, back out into the dating world, fun", and it included a picture. Nowhere did I mention travel or anything that was really important to me and I got the results of what I asked for.
3. Create a headline that stands out. If the site allows for a picture, put a full length picture on the site with you wearing a fitted outfit, but not a skimpy or skanky outfit and, if you're a guy, wear a fitted pair of jeans and a t-shirt, or a buttoned shirt with a pair of dress slacks.
Don't show any beat up looking "comfy" shoes in the picture and please don't take a picture holding your niece, nephew, or the next door neighbors kid. It raises too many questions. Remember, we just want to see you, it's a picture, not an interview and remember to smile, it's not a GQ ad. I remember getting a response once, and the guy was holding a baby! I thought, this guy is 60 years old! Whose 18 month old child is he holding? A little bit of mystery is good, but not THAT much mystery!!
4. Don't be negative! According to perfect match (dot) com, this is a big turn off. Let's be honest, everyone has been hurt or let down at one time or another. Although it may be hard, don't dwell on the past. Anyone can be in a bad mood. It takes a special person to be in a good mood and to make their date feel good to be out with them (or in this case reading about them).
5. Use spellcheck. Nothing says lack of education or lack of consideration more than bad spelling.
6. Don't be picky? This is where I disagree with the perfect match site. When I read that, I asked myself, why do they call this a perfect match site and then they tell you not to go after your perfect match?
Now, "being picky" doesn't mean turning down everyone who doesn't sound like Hugh Grant or look like Hugh Jackman. But if you want someone who likes to travel, don't pick a homebody and convince yourself that you really wouldn't mind staying home with them!
Before we move on to why we can be picky, let's reminisce about our first dating experience, shall we?
Now back to the article: I say, be picky!! After all, we're over 40!! If we can't be picky now, then when can we be. More than likely, we won't want anymore children (I'm assuming not). Therefore, we have to really like the person that we date (and/or eventually marry) and we don't have to settle anymore. At worse, we'll travel solo or with some good friends or with our grown children and I hear that in alot of countries, young guys like older women! And just think, we can go wherever we want without having to agree with someone else on where to go. And for the record, I don't want to end up alone, but I'm not settling either! I AM picky, and you should be too! We deserve to be!
Now, I'll climb down off of my soapbox and finish my article.
7. Just be nice! The secret to being likeable is just being nice. Nobody likes to think they're being tested (even if they are). Remember to keep your communications warm and generous. Then after you've communicated online for about 2 weeks (that's two weeks worth of time, not twice in two weeks), someone pick up the phone and call (traditionally the man). Although the article doesn't say where to call from, I suggest you call from a cell phone or a pay phone. Many people know how to acquire your home address if you call from a land line phone. Remember, women and men have to keep themselves safe.
8. Meet in person once you feel safe enough to meet. Meet in a public place and BE ON TIME! Being on time shows that the person you're meeting is important to you. If you are unavoidably late, please call and let them know. Which brings up another point. Bring your cell phone. Also, let your friends, neighbors, relatives and anyone else you trust, know where you're going and who you're meeting with. At least one of those people (perhaps a parent or best friend) should have your date's phone number. When I was in college, when my date came to pick me up, one of my roommates would run downstairs to get his license plate number. We didn't play around. Someone has to "have your back", especially because you're older now and not married (notice I avoided saying alone, because we are not alone just single).
9. Go out on your date and enjoy your new friendship. Allow your date to get to know you. Prepare to share one (and only one) intimate thing about yourself. This will let your date know that you're willing to let him/her into your personal space. The intimate thing should be something folksy, yet positive, like, "my favorite thing to do is walk in downpouring rain" (of course, you'd work that into the conversation and not just "blurt it out").
10. SMILE!! Ah come on! I had to add a number 10!!
Well, that's alot to take in, for now. Tomorrow I'll cover some first date ideas. Come back tomorrow and until then remember to stay funky, stay fab!!
The following information was mostly taken from an old article I read on the perfect match (dot) com site. The article's entitled, "Dating Advice for Singles over 50" (or in our case 40). It identifies online dating but can be used in any dating situation.
According to the article, at our ages, we bring alot to the dating table namely wisdom, experience, and street smarts. We can easily identify what we want in a relationship and what we don't. With this said, this website has good advice to help us find dates for the holidays and all year round, but I don't agree with everything it says. Let's follow along as we review the article together, shall we? Midway through we'll stop for one of our vintage commercial breaks.
ONLINE DATING
First we'll take a look at online dating. This luxury, our parents didn't have. For better or for worse, we're stuck with it and it can be a blessing or a curse. The good part is that we have a large quantity of daters to choose from and lots of venues to pick. Because we have so much, we tend to have dating ADHD. One way to beat this, perfect match (dot) com says, is to make a list.
1. Write down what kind of person you're looking for, your expectations (companionship, marriage, networking, etc.), your values and special interests.
2. Next make an online profile that honestly describes you. When you do this, remember this profile is about attracting quality, not quantity.
* I'd like to share with you an experience I had when I joined a site last year. I got alot of responses but they were not the type of men I wanted to date (I wasn't much into dating Mr. "2big4u"). I really wanted to meet a man I could travel with and someone who shared my interests but my profile mentioned "widow, back out into the dating world, fun", and it included a picture. Nowhere did I mention travel or anything that was really important to me and I got the results of what I asked for.
3. Create a headline that stands out. If the site allows for a picture, put a full length picture on the site with you wearing a fitted outfit, but not a skimpy or skanky outfit and, if you're a guy, wear a fitted pair of jeans and a t-shirt, or a buttoned shirt with a pair of dress slacks.
Don't show any beat up looking "comfy" shoes in the picture and please don't take a picture holding your niece, nephew, or the next door neighbors kid. It raises too many questions. Remember, we just want to see you, it's a picture, not an interview and remember to smile, it's not a GQ ad. I remember getting a response once, and the guy was holding a baby! I thought, this guy is 60 years old! Whose 18 month old child is he holding? A little bit of mystery is good, but not THAT much mystery!!
4. Don't be negative! According to perfect match (dot) com, this is a big turn off. Let's be honest, everyone has been hurt or let down at one time or another. Although it may be hard, don't dwell on the past. Anyone can be in a bad mood. It takes a special person to be in a good mood and to make their date feel good to be out with them (or in this case reading about them).
5. Use spellcheck. Nothing says lack of education or lack of consideration more than bad spelling.
6. Don't be picky? This is where I disagree with the perfect match site. When I read that, I asked myself, why do they call this a perfect match site and then they tell you not to go after your perfect match?
Now, "being picky" doesn't mean turning down everyone who doesn't sound like Hugh Grant or look like Hugh Jackman. But if you want someone who likes to travel, don't pick a homebody and convince yourself that you really wouldn't mind staying home with them!
Before we move on to why we can be picky, let's reminisce about our first dating experience, shall we?
Now back to the article: I say, be picky!! After all, we're over 40!! If we can't be picky now, then when can we be. More than likely, we won't want anymore children (I'm assuming not). Therefore, we have to really like the person that we date (and/or eventually marry) and we don't have to settle anymore. At worse, we'll travel solo or with some good friends or with our grown children and I hear that in alot of countries, young guys like older women! And just think, we can go wherever we want without having to agree with someone else on where to go. And for the record, I don't want to end up alone, but I'm not settling either! I AM picky, and you should be too! We deserve to be!
Now, I'll climb down off of my soapbox and finish my article.
7. Just be nice! The secret to being likeable is just being nice. Nobody likes to think they're being tested (even if they are). Remember to keep your communications warm and generous. Then after you've communicated online for about 2 weeks (that's two weeks worth of time, not twice in two weeks), someone pick up the phone and call (traditionally the man). Although the article doesn't say where to call from, I suggest you call from a cell phone or a pay phone. Many people know how to acquire your home address if you call from a land line phone. Remember, women and men have to keep themselves safe.
8. Meet in person once you feel safe enough to meet. Meet in a public place and BE ON TIME! Being on time shows that the person you're meeting is important to you. If you are unavoidably late, please call and let them know. Which brings up another point. Bring your cell phone. Also, let your friends, neighbors, relatives and anyone else you trust, know where you're going and who you're meeting with. At least one of those people (perhaps a parent or best friend) should have your date's phone number. When I was in college, when my date came to pick me up, one of my roommates would run downstairs to get his license plate number. We didn't play around. Someone has to "have your back", especially because you're older now and not married (notice I avoided saying alone, because we are not alone just single).
9. Go out on your date and enjoy your new friendship. Allow your date to get to know you. Prepare to share one (and only one) intimate thing about yourself. This will let your date know that you're willing to let him/her into your personal space. The intimate thing should be something folksy, yet positive, like, "my favorite thing to do is walk in downpouring rain" (of course, you'd work that into the conversation and not just "blurt it out").
10. SMILE!! Ah come on! I had to add a number 10!!
Well, that's alot to take in, for now. Tomorrow I'll cover some first date ideas. Come back tomorrow and until then remember to stay funky, stay fab!!
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